


Heatwave

by LadyLeFay



Series: Heatwave [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 3/4 of the story is sex people you've been warned, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Consent Issues, Explicit Sexual Content, Infidelity, M/M, Pon Farr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-02 17:26:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11514024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLeFay/pseuds/LadyLeFay
Summary: "There's a small knot forming in his stomach, a sort of burning sensation spreading in his lower belly that Jim does not like at all. His chest clenches in unease as he watches Selik's eyes slowly descend on his mouth.The friendly vibe surrounding them until now disappears completely, leaving them with an atmosphere charged with a kind of tension that has Jim swallowing hard and nervously licking his lips.Selik's look darkens imperceptibly."





	Heatwave

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing smut for a slash pairing. Also my first time writing anything in english. I sadly didn't find any Beta to check my work so I would like to apologize for any grammatical faults or typing errors you are likely to find in your reading.

Jim has missed riding a bike.

 

He still remembers the one he had found while working at old Pete's garage. It had been a wreck, ready for the scrap heat, but all Jim could see back then was the endless potential it offered. So he had convinced his boss to give it to him, brought it home and spent hours working on it. The thing had to be practically built from scratch and finding the necessary pieces one by one to later assemble them properly had been a real pain. But after a few weeks of relentless work he had finally been able take the newly resurrected bike for a spin.

 

Jim had known instantly that all the effort had been worth it.

 

The experience was liberating, like nothing he had ever felt before. In fact, riding used to fuel his senses. While on the open road, he had limitless vision on the world that surrounded him, could enjoy the feeling of the wind in his hair, of the coolness on his skin. He had relished in the sound of the bike as he shifted gears, had loved to slide his fingers over the throttle and clutch, feeling the power and control under his hands. There was nothing quite like rolling down the road, taking in everything the motorcycle had to give.

 

Jim's life had been a mess, back then. He had felt so entrapped; running from his troubled past, deliberately ruining his present even as he desperately craved for a better future. Jim had been suffocating in the small country town of Riverside, cursed by a name he had never asked for, trapped in his own skin and always on the verge of bursting. Riding had felt like an escape from reality. It had felt like flying. It had felt like freedom.

 

To this day, he still doesn't understand how he could have given his bike up so easily. He blames Pike. And alcohol. But mostly Pike. The one he's currently riding isn't as nearly as smooth as his former baby, the exhilaration isn't there anymore, but it still feels pretty good.

 

The new housing development isn't actually that far from the main colony, but trying to reach it by foot with this heatwave is unthinkable for a human like him. In any case, making the trip on a motorcycle allows Jim to enjoy a wonderful fresh breeze that cools him down as he rides under the scorching sun of New Vulcan.  The only downside is that he can't fully appreciate the amazing landscapes the area has to offer.

 

The road eventually takes him to an allotment filled with only a few single storey houses and he has no trouble spotting Spock's in the batch.

 

 _Selik_ , he reminds himself. _He's now called Selik_.

 

His friend chose to live away from the capital for the moment, favoring a solitary life like many of his fellow Elders. And yet, Jim knows that he's still considered something of a prominent figure amongst the Vulcans. His contribution at aiding the newly colonized planet is unparalleled and his endless source of knowledge invaluable for his still traumatized people.

 

Jim wouldn't be surprised if they decide to erect a monument in his honor in the future.

 

He parks in front of the house and switches off the engine. Almost instantly, the unbearable heat begins to affect him once more, making him sweat under his shirt. His communicator chimes in his pocket and Jim doesn't need to check to know that Spock – _his_ Spock - is the one who's trying to contact him. He suppresses his guilt at ignoring his First's calls by holding on to his previous anger.

 

They had arrived on New Vulcan the day before, taking advantage of their leave to visit Sarek and finally inform him of their relationship. Spock had been nervous, or as nervous as a Vulcan could be anyway, but he had faced his father head on when presenting Jim as his partner. Surprisingly, the Ambassador hadn't offered any objections, so the three of them ended up sharing a quiet but not uncomfortable meal together before retiring to their respective rooms.

 

Really, everything had been going well, until he had announced his desire to visit Selik, only to have Sarek calmly inform him that it would not be possible. Because Selik was _sick_ and had been for a few days now.

 

Jim had freaked out. Vulcans didn't just get sick and Spock's reaction to the news didn't help either. His whole face had gone green and for a second he had looked like he was about to choke and faint.

 

So of course he had insisted they go visit Selik as soon as possible. But Sarek had shut down this idea with his usual equanimity, emphasizing on the fact that his presence was not needed.

 

That had made him angry, especially when Spock had vehemently agreed with his father. Went as far as to _forbid_ Jim from seeing Selik when he had protested. And he had done it right in front of Sarek.

 

It had been downright humiliating, to be scolded like a small child by his First, and the only thing that had kept him from arguing was Spock's pleading look. Those beautiful brown eyes he apparently can never say no to had begged him not to make a scene in front of Sarek. Jim hadn't had it in him to betray that trust.

 

So he had agreed, disgruntled, claiming to have a headache when Sarek offered to take them to the construction site of the new Vulcan's Science Academy. Their host had fell for it, no doubt believing his human body too weak to withstand New Vulcan's atmosphere, but Jim knew damn well that Spock hadn't. Still, he had retired to their room to lay on the bed and had barely reacted when Spock joined him to announce that he would be going out with his father.

 

« _I apologize, Jim. I never should have spoken to you in that manner, but I promise I will explain everything when I return,_ » He had whispered, gently pressing his lips against Jim's temple. «  _Please, wait for me._ »

 

Jim hadn't waited. Of course he hadn't. This whole secrecy about Selik's illness nearly made him crazy with worry and he had left the house not even five minutes after Sarek and Spock.

 

He's not blind and knows perfectly well that Spock doesn't feel entirely comfortable with his friendship with Selik. He's never voiced his concerns, of course, probably because he knows they're illogical in the first place. But Jim can't shake the feeling that Spock somehow resents the old man.

 

He wishes he could understand what Spock's problem is. Sure, he can admit that having another older version of yourself in your life can be unnerving. But Selik has been nothing but helpful and friendly to them, going as far as to give up his entire identity and adopting a fake persona to make sure he wouldn't interfere with their lives anymore.

 

The former Ambassador had lost everything. His friends, his family, his life... His entire history had been erased overnight when he had been sent to this universe and it honestly kills Jim to think about how lonely Selik must be in his new life. So as much as it pains him to upset Spock with their odd friendship, Jim refuses to abandon Selik.

 

He cares about the Vulcan, of course he does. Partly because he's the doppelganger of the man he loves, but he's honest enough to admit that it isn't the only reason. Selik _cherishes_ him. He believes in Jim in a way no one in his life ever did, Pike included. Sometimes, it feels like the old man can look into his soul, see his darkest and most shameful secrets and still believe he's worth something.

 

How can Jim _not_ care about someone who loves him so much?

 

He had tried to question his First Officer once, a few weeks after they had gotten together.

 

«  _Why do you hate him so much?_  » He had asked while slowly tracing Spock's mouth with his still trembling fingers, wrapped in the Vulcan's strong arms and panting after their intense love making.

 

Jim remembers that Spock had tensed, but to his credit, he hadn't tried to avoid the question.

 

« _I do not hate him,_ » he had answered just as quietly, eyes closed and forehead pressed against Jim's. «  _I fear him_. »

 

Spock had fallen silent after that and they had never discussed the subject again.

 

 _I should have pushed harder_ , he thinks, more than a little frustrated by his First's lack of communication skills.

 

What was Spock so afraid of ? That he would end up like Selik ? That he _wouldn't_ end up like Selik ?

 

He couldn't possibly believe that Jim would ever leave him for the old man.

 

 _Tonight,_ he promises himself as he walks towards the house, _I'll talk to Spock tonight._ He raises his hand, ready to knock, when the front door suddenly opens to reveal his friend.

 

He knows it's weird, but he likes to gaze at Selik's face and contemplate those oh so familiar features transformed by time.

 

Selik is so different from any other Vulcans he knows. He doesn't use his logic as a stick to beat his dirty emotions with, doesn't try to shield himself from them. Instead, he accepts them with open arms, cherished them while never letting them consume him either. Selik is guided by his feelings without ever being blinded by them. It's the perfect mix of logic and emotions, his Vulcan heritage blending flawlessly with his Human side. His mind isn't constantly at war with his heart, not anymore at least. They now embrace each other willingly and Jim honest to God finds it breathtaking.

 

And what makes it even better is that it comes so easily to Selik. His way of thinking doesn’t tarnish his identity as a Vulcan, nor does it threaten his integrity. Jim knows that the old man is somehow considered strange by some of his people, but still, he is accepted by his pears and respected by all. Selik is simply perfectly at ease with his lifestyle and it shows in the way he holds himself with quiet dignity, in the way his still mesmerizing human eyes twinkle when he makes a joke or finds something particularly amusing, in the faint smile in the corners of his mouth he doesn't try to suppress anymore.

 

Jim looks upon the Vulcan's face and sees, in every laugh line, every deep wrinkle, decades of stories hidden there like treasures waiting to be discovered. But most of all he sees _his_ Spock's future, one where he'll finally be at peace with himself and accepted by all. He sees the long and full and amazing life that stubborn Vulcan is going to live even after he's gone. When he looks at Selik, he knows that the man he loves is going to be okay.

 

Jim doesn't think there's a better feeling in the universe.

 

Selik's rough voice says his name the same way he always does, with a mix of wonder and tenderness, his eyes so full of joy at seeing him that Jim can't help but smile brightly back. He kind of really wants to hug the old man, but he knows that there are some lines you just don't cross with Vulcans, even one as awesome as his friend. So he offers the Ta'al instead, proud that he can finally do it without messing it up.

 

« My friend, » the Vulcan greets him warmly.

 

« Surprise! » he exclaims with exaggerated delight. « I was in the neighborhood and, you know, I figured I might as well check on you, old man. »

 

Selik nods his head at him, mimicking gratitude. « You concern is truly appreciated, youngling. You are a sight for sore eyes. »

 

Jim laughs and Selik quickly invites him inside, moving towards the controller to decrease the temperature of the house by several degrees. His friend ignores his cries of protest with a flick of his hand.

 

« Oh, no, you don't have to. »

 

« I wish to, » he simply responds, escorting Jim to the living room. « I was about to make myself some tea. Would you like some? »

 

« Sure. » Selik disappears into the kitchen and Jim takes the opportunity to observe his surroundings.

 

The living room looks plain and simple. No, those are poor choices of words. Plain gives the impression that the place's dull and lifeless, which is not the case at all. On the contrary, Selik's house, while being quite modest, strangely feels homely and warm. Humble, just like its owner.

 

The only luxury the Vulcan allows himself to have is a translucent, green colored glass jar patterned with golden leaves that's placed on the coffee table, the obviously crafted work so beautiful it can't help but clash with the rest of the furniture. Jim grabs it delicately, slowly tracing the patterns with his fingers, and removes the cap. Immediately, different fragrances fill his senses and he closes his eyes, inhaling deeply. Some of them smell like chamomile and rosewood. He has to admit that the mixture is really good. Heady, even. Like sunshine illuminating the grass after a rainy day in Earth's springtime.

 

He's so captivated by the scent that he barely notices when Selik comes back, tray in hands.

 

« That oil originates from Benzar, a truly beautiful planet known for its splendid landscapes, » he informs Jim as he puts the tea set on the coffee table. « And its therapeutic properties are a wonder to my poor joints. »

 

Jim puts the glass vial back in its place and takes a minute to study his friend as he comes to sit next to him on the couch. He looks good, if a little tired around the edges. He definitely doesn't look like a dying man or a dangerous maniac, so Sarek and Spock's reactions make even less sense to him now than they did before. Still, he feels most of his worry leaving him. It can't be that bad if Selik still has the strength to play the perfect host.

 

He lifts his eyebrows and smirks at the sight of the Vulcan's bare feet « Well, well, well... » he teases. « If you're anything like my Spock, then I know you're not wearing much under those robes. »

 

« You will have to excuse me, I did not expect to have company today. »  The look he gives Jim is nothing short of mischievous. « But it is gratifying to see that you know so much about my young counterpart's preferences. Am I correct to assume that your relationship with him has greatly improved since the last time we saw each other? »

 

Jim lets out a little embarrassed laugh «Hum...kind of?».

 

He blushes at the knowing look Selik harbors, lowering his head and scratching the back of his neck  to try to hide his reddening face. When exactly did he become so transparent?

 

« I am glad, Jim. » There's nothing but sincerity and warmth in the Vulcan's voice and Jim can't help the shy smile forming on his face.

 

« Yeah, me too. »

 

He is more than glad, actually. He is ecstatic. Never thought it was possible to be this happy. Never believed that he was meant for this kind of happiness.

 

His sore ass brings him back to this morning in Sarek's house. Waking up next to Spock never gets old especially when the Vulcan brings him back to consciousness the sweetest way possible. With his mouth leaving peppering kisses down his neck and his fingers tracing small circles on his thighs. They had made love on their too small bed and it had been slow, and gentle and just so damn _perfect_. The darkened room had echoed with nothing but the quiet sounds of sliding sheets mixed with their gasps and whispers of each other's name as they reached their release together. And it had been so precious. So intimate. Something that belonged entirely to them. It had felt like coming home.

 

Jim hadn't wanted to get out and face the world after that.

 

Selik's voice brings him back to reality. « I am surprised my counterpart is not with you. »

 

« To be honest, he doesn't know I'm here, » Jim sheepishly admits. « Sarek wanted to take him to the new VSA and I faked a headache to stay back. »

 

The Vulcan's perfectly raised eyebrow makes him snort in amusement. At some point he's going to learn how to do that.

 

« Not that I am not happy to see you, my friend, but I admit I am perplexed. Why the secrecy? »

 

« I'll join them later, but I just really had to see you first. » His face grows concerned as he looks at Selik. « Sarek told us you were sick? And that you didn't want to see anybody at this time. »

 

«I doubt those were his exact words »

 

Jim rolls his eyes. « Ok, fine, he said something like ''Elder Selik has entered a meditation cycle in order to assure his continued wellbeing and any disturbance at this time would be greatly unwise''. So my concern was ''appreciated '' but ''unnecessary''. »

 

« My father always had a way with words. »

 

« He basically told me to fuck off, Selik. »

 

The Vulcan immediately dismisses that statement. « Nonsense. I am sure that was not his intention. »

 

He wouldn't be so sure about that.

 

It's no secret that Sarek doesn't like him ; which isn't really surprising considering that the first and last time they saw each other, he was goading his traumatized son in front of the entire crew, taking the time to even insult his dead wife. And despite his silence on the matter, Jim knows that the man definitely doesn't approve of his relationship with Spock. The Ambassador probably thinks that his son deserves better. And he would be right, of course, Spock does deserve better. But somehow, against all odds, he still chose _Jim_. And it'll snow in hell before he lets his Vulcan go, so Sarek is just gonna have to suck it up and deal with his presence because he's not going anywhere.

 

Spock tells him he's being paranoid. Which offends him, really, because he's _not_.

 

He just has perfectly functional eyes. And a brain.

 

« So, are you sick? » he asks Selik, frowning in concern.

 

« Not at all my friend. Or at least, not in the way you understand it. I _was_ unwell for a few days, that is true. But it was nothing more than a common ailment that all Vulcan males have to go through at some point in their lives. »

 

« Really? That's weird; Spock never said anything about it. »

 

« That is because he is hoping that his human side will spare him this experience. »

 

« Which obviously, it won't,» Jim leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees.« Well what is it? Is there anything I can do to help when it happens? »

 

He is completely flabbergasted when Selik honest to God _chokes_ on his tea. Jim hastily takes some tissues from the coffee table and offers them to the old man, gently rubbing his back to calm his coughs.

 

Selik gratefully accepts them and dabs his mouth with it. « I will leave my counterpart the _privilege_ to inform you himself on that matter, » he finally says with a sly smile.

 

Ok, Jim definitely needs to grill Spock about this mysterious Vulcan illness. And he won't take no for an answer this time. He'll sit on his First Officer's stomach and harass him until he confesses.

 

Because Selik actually sounds _amused_ by the whole thing? It clashes horribly with Spock's reaction when he heard about the Elder's condition.

 

« And you just, what, meditated your sickness away? » he asks skeptically, trying to get the conversation back on track. « Wait until I tell Bones, he'll have a stroke. »

 

« It is a common practice amongst Vulcans. Usually this ailment requires another form of...treatment. » The cheeky smile reappears on his lips, making his wrinkled face look so much younger than it is. «However, I am old enough and experienced enough that I do not need to subject myself to it anymore. But  I do remember Leonard and I having long and enlightening  debates about it. »

 

« Meaning you refused to listen to his medical expertise and drove him crazy with frustration,» Jim translates.

 

Selik calmly raises his cup to his mouth and takes a sip of his tea. « The doctor was a fascinating subject of human irrationality. »

 

Jim throws his head back and laughs. « I bet the other Kirk loved that. I swear the only thing that keeps me from bringing popcorn during their shouting matches is the fact that Bones would probably kill me. And he would make sure it hurt. Like, savagely, with blood spurting everywhere. Then Spock would probably complain about the mess and throw my body into space. »

 

« Well, my Jim certainly had your propensity to exaggerate, » Selik says, deadpanned.

 

« What was he like? The other Kirk, I mean? »

 

Selik freezes.

 

Jim winces, immediately realizing his mistake and cursing himself for his total absence of tact. _Way to go, Tiberius_.

 

« I'm sorry, » he apologizes, abashed. « I probably shouldn't have asked. »

 

« No, it is not that, » Selik hastily responds as he puts his cup of tea on the coffee table. «I would love to share my memories with you. It saddens me to think that this universe will never know how truly exceptional my Captain was... But I have kept my thoughts about Jim to myself for so long ...  I just do not know where to begin. »

 

As always, Jim is amazed by the undying love and loyalty the Elder has for that other Kirk.

 

Vulcans lifespan are so much longer than human's, Selik probably spent more years without his Captain than he did by his side. And yet here he is, after all this time, stuck in another universe and still completely devoted to a dead guy.

 

That Jim Kirk must have really been something to inspire this kind of feelings in a Vulcan.

 

« Well, you could always show me. »

 

Ok, he was _not_ planning on saying that. Frankly, he doesn't even know where that request came from.

 

Well, thinking before acting had never been his strongest point.

 

« Pardon me? » Selik sputters, obviously stunned.

 

« I am serious. » And surprisingly he is. He doesn't just want to hear about his own counterpart, he wants to _see_ him. « Show me. Like you did on Delta Vega. »

 

He doesn't think he's ever seen the Vulcan so shocked and knows that he probably crossed a line here. Mind melds are extremely intimate and private, he knows that much. Hell, his own Spock hasn't even let him into his mind yet. Apparently they are extremely compatible and he's scared that he's accidently going to bond them if they were to meld.

 

Now, Jim admits that the idea of actually being bonded to his First Officer freaked him out at first, which is why he didn't push for a mind meld between them in the first place. He loves the guy, there is absolutely no doubts about that, but marriage?

 

When he thinks of marriage, he thinks of his Mom and stepfather hating each other's guts so much that they couldn't even breathe the same air. He thinks of a drunk and broken McCoy sitting next to him on a shuttlecraft and running away from a messy divorce.

 

So yeah, he's not sure that this whole holy matrimony thing is for him. Even if the idea of being linked to Spock for the rest of his life, of always being able to feel him in the back of his head, is becoming more and more tempting every day...

 

The point is, Jim understands the importance of mindmelds in the Vulcan culture. But he and Selik are like family, right? So his request isn't completely inappropriate.

 

But obviously the still wide eyed Vulcan doesn't share that point of view. « Jim, I-, » he shakes his head. « I do not think that this is a good idea. »

 

« Well, I think it's an amazing idea. We should at least try. »

 

« It could be dangerous. While my illness has ended, I am not fully in control of my mental capacities yet. I fear I would do more harm than good if I were to enter another's mind. »

 

Jim leans forward, intent. « Even mine? »

 

«  _Especially_ yours, » Selik looks back at him, eyes blazing.

 

He doesn't even realize how close they had gotten until he feels Selik's hot breath on his face as the Vulcan utters those last words.

 

Jim stills, startled by their sudden closeness, his friend's scorching gaze as brutal as a punch the gut. There's a small knot forming in his stomach, a kind of burning sensation spreading in his lower belly that he does not like _at all_. His chest clenches in unease as he watches Selik's eyes slowly descend on his mouth.

 

The friendly vibe surrounding them until now disappears completely, leaving them with an atmosphere charged with a kind of tension that has Jim swallowing hard and nervously licking his lips.

 

Selik's look darkens almost imperceptibly.

 

Jim quickly moves back on the couch and coughs, embarrassed and more than a little bewildered.

 

 _What the_ -

 

« Oh. Alright. Sorry, I just thought it would be easier that way. »

 

An awkward silence settles between them.

 

Jim hates it. He's being ridiculous, of course he's being ridiculous. Selik is his friend and he knows that the old man cares about him a lot. Contrary to what Bones believes, he is also perfectly aware that there is an intimacy to their frienship that may seem strange to outsiders. But it's not-... They haven't-... They both know where they stand. What they share may be difficult to understand, and he wouldn't exactly call it platonic, but it's certainly not _romantic_ either. Jim _knows_ that Selik has never seen him as anything but a dear friend. Or at least, he did until now.

 

His hands are sweating, his heart is beating so furiously in his chest, and he doesn't understand why. This is _Selik_ , for God's sake, and Jim had never been uncomfortable in his company before.

 

But he can also recognize lust when he sees it and there was no mistaking the naked desire that had been burning in Selik's eyes when they had looked at Jim's lips. It only lasted a second, but it had been there.

 

Suddenly, Spock's concerns really don't seem so silly anymore.

 

 _No. This is stupid. Selik doesn't even see you that way. You know that_.

 

The Vulcan's voice interrupts him in his musing. « Perhaps I could... just for a short time... »

 

Jim turns his head so fast it nearly gives him a whiplash.

 

Is he really offering- ? 

 

No. He should refuse the offer. He should politely take his leave and get out of here. Right now.

 

_Go back to Spock. You'll come back with him later._

 

But his eagerness at seeing the other Kirk with his own two eyes is slowly erasing his unease. To be able to watch his counterpart's through Selik's own memories, to see what kind of man he would have been like in another life? It's far too tempting.

 

And who's to say he didn't just imagine the whole thing in the first place? He could have. After all, the Elder did spend the last few days fighting a mysterious ailment and he's tired. He probably didn't even realize what he was doing or maybe Jim just interpreted it all wrong. Any of those options would make a lot more sense than Selik _lusting_ after him. God, just the notion is laughable, really.

 

_This is Selik and you trust him._

Decision made, Jim nods his head in renewed excitement.

 

« Holy shit, yes! Let's do it! Two minutes, tops! »

 

« A _really_ short time, Jim. »

 

« Ok, yeah, no problem! »

 

They face each other on the couch and Selik slowly lifts his hand to put his fingers on Jim's meld points. Still, he hesitates and Jim smiles encouragingly, eyes showing nothing but trust. Selik nods to himself, takes a deep breath, and suddenly, he's _in_.

 

This meld is nothing like the one they shared on Delta Vega. For one, Jim isn't attacked by a series of flashes. Instead, he finds himself on a desertic landscape, stretched out on a sand dune and facing a star filled night.

 

«  _Where are we? »_ he whispers, afraid to disrupt the quietness of the place.

_«We are still on New Vulcan. This valley was discovered in our search to find a new location for the Masters of Gol. »_  

 

« _Selik, it's … I don't even have the words. It's beautiful._  »

 

« _It is. It is also the first place I have ever felt at peace since I arrived in this universe._ »

 

Jim can understand why. Looking around him, he finds himself truly enthralled by the wildlife and remarkable rock formations, not to mention the stunning mountains surrounding the valley.  A sudden flash of light makes him blink his eyes. He turns his head just in time to witness the apparition of what seems to be a mix of gold and red colored veils in the sky. The sight leaves him breathless.

 

« _Is that an aurora?_ » he asks, spellbound by the vision of all those colors filling the majestic star-studded sky.

 

«  _Not quite,_ » Selik's voice resonates around him, as gentle as a light breeze. «  _But the phenomenon is close to it._  »

 

The entire place is now bathed in a reddish, orange glow, giving a purely magical aspect to the area. In the distance, he can make out a red planet gravitating around another greyish blue one, and while the latter does seem familiar, he can only recognize the former. He shouldn't be able to see them this clearly from the ground, and yet he does? So he stares, amazed by the awe inspiring landscape.

 

_« This is nothing like our last meld. »_

_« Its only purpose had been to share information. In this one, I have taken you into the core of my mind._ »

 

Jim watches, brows furrowed, as Vulcan orbits around the unknown planet, the vibrant red clashing horribly with the bleak colors. It takes him a few minutes (or was it seconds ?) to realize why the sight is so familiar.

 

 _Why is Earth so damaged?_ He wants to ask. Only he realizes he doesn't have to. He already knows the answer to that question and doesn't need to be Vulcan to understand what – _who_ – the planet used to represent.

 

_An open wound that will never truly heal._

 

He tears his eyes away from the painful sight and focuses on the Aurora instead, admiring the colors that seem to blend beautifully together. The luminous halo slowly grows in intensity, the stars start to shine even brighter and he's suddenly wrapped in a curtain of glistening golden light.

 

_He is welcoming the new captain on board, curious about this man who has managed to obtain the command of the fleet's Flagship at such a young age... / He is playing chess with him in the officer hall, stunned by his defeat but silently pleased to have this bright mind as his commanding officer... /  He is walking down the halls of the Enterprise by his Captain's side, the both of them debating on philosophy and literature, and is proud to be able to call this man his friend... / He watches with barely concealed pride as his Captain defeats yet again another opponent, using nothing but his superior intellect and his limitless determination to save the crew... / «Captain, you almost make me believe in luck. --- Why, Mister Spock, you almost make me believe in miracles. »..._

 

_…. He is staring at this strange, yet so familiar, man who is looking back at him with a sort of sad acceptance and he needs to understand why. Why this human risked and sacrificed everything in order to ensure his safety._

_« My father told me that we were friends, » he starts, hesitantly, searching for his words « That you came back for me. »_

_« You would have done the same for me, » His interlocutor simply says, so confident in his answer, as if he dared anyone not to believe him._

_And yet he still does not understand. « Why would you do this? »_

_« Because the needs of the one, outweigh the needs of the many. »_

_The cryptic response does not make any sense and leaves him more perplexed than he was before. Surely his own needs are not more significant than anyone else’s? Certainly not worth the loss of a career. The loss of a son._

 

_And yet he detects nothing but sincerity and quiet determination in the man's tone as he says those words, stating them as if they were facts, declaring them as universal truth that should be accepted by all._

_This human is mad and he should leave, join his father who is patiently waiting for him with the rest of his people. His body is still weak from the ritual and his mind is even weaker and he needs time. And rest._

_He turns around to do just that and extracts himself from the pull of those brown eyes. But strangely his feet refuse to take him any further and he frowns, puzzled by his own behavior. It is ludicrous. He does not even know his own name, why does he find it so unbearable to walk away from this stranger?_

_And suddenly he remembers. Of course he remembers. How could he ever forget?_

_Jim._

The memory fades away in the sky and Jim only now realizes that he's crying. And laughing.

 

If there were any doubts in his mind about his counterpart's devotion to the old man, this last memory erased them all. That Jim Kirk had loved his Spock s _o much_. It's expressed in so many different ways in every memory the Vulcan has shown him until now.

 

Selik didn't realize it back then after the ritual on Vulcan, but he had failed to catch the quiet longing Kirk couldn't quite hide from his voice as he spoke. He hadn't seen how full of sorrow those hazel eyes truly were as they looked at him. He had failed to notice the way the man's shoulders slumped when Selik turned his back on him, his posture exhausted and defeated, or how he had kept his hands fisted by his sides in what Jim is sure was a desperate attempt to keep himself from reaching out. It hadn't been blatant, but Jim knows himself and had no trouble interpreting the subtle reactions.

 

« T _he needs of the one, outweigh the needs of the many. »_   Kirk hadn't been talking about Selik, or at least not completely. He had been, above all, talking about _himself_.

 

 _His_ needs are the one he chose to favor, Jim would bet his life on it. And what he had needed was _Spock_. So he had risked and apparently lost everything to get him back. Jim knows in his bones that the other Kirk still considered the sacrifice worth it in the end. He knows because _he_ would have.

 

It's incredible and it’s inspiring and it's beautiful.

Jim has always been grateful that Selik had pushed him and Spock together, that he had manipulated the events to make sure that they both ended up on the Enterprise. But now he also understands _why_ he did it. That Jim Kirk meant _everything_ to Selik, just like his Spock means everything to him, and he couldn't bear the thought of the two of them being separated because of him. Because of what he still considers to be his life's biggest failure.

 

Theirs paths were never supposed to just cross briefly and diverge, no, they were supposed to clash together in an explosion of colors and merge as one, so that they could walk together on it side by side. That's why he sent Jim on the Enterprise alone when he could have easily gone himself to convince his counterpart. It was a risk, as he could have failed to convince Spock to give his command up, but it was a risk the old man was willing to take because it was _worth it_. It's also why he immediately sought Spock out when he heard about his desire to resign from Starfleet and persuaded him to abandon his plans of aiding New Vulcan and accept the First Officer's position on the ship.

Jim is amazed by this man's faith in them and he is also so, so, grateful. And he tries to project it at Selik, wants him to know how thankful he is that they were lucky enough to have this strange old Vulcan appear in their lives. He hurls his jubilant thoughts everywhere in that endless galaxy, his heart singing with nothing but pure joy. Selik probably thinks he's a lunatic now but he doesn't care, as long as the Vulcan knows how happy Jim is that he followed Nero here.

 

When that crazy Romulan came into their lives, he disrupted fate's entire plans for them. Forcedly took Spock out of his life's equation and nearly robbed him of that Half Vulcan who would later become the love of his life.

 

Because the truth is, Spock would have died if Jim hadn't gotten back on the ship that fateful day. Or he would have left for New Vulcan and would probably be bonded to a beautiful woman by now if Selik hadn't convinced him to stay. To give the Enterprise and its new Captain a chance.

 

The old man couldn't give Jim his father back, couldn't give him his childhood back, but he could give him Spock. And he did.

 

_Thank you, Selik. Thank you._

 

A crash of thunder coming from far away disrupts the quiet peace of the place and puts an end to his joyful thoughts.

 

_« What's going on? »_

 

 _« Jim, that is enough, »_ Selik answers in an oddly strained voice. _« I am ending the meld. »_

 

_« What? No, wait! Just a little while longer. »_

_« It is not wise. »_

 

_« I don't care. »  
_

 

_« You do not understand-... Jim-... »  
_

_« Just a few more minutes, that's all I'm asking. »_

 

_« I cannot-... I-... »_

 

Selik's voice dies out before he can finish. Jim frowns, admittedly a little worried.

 

An unusual rumbling sound resonates around him. When he turns around to identify its source, he sees the aurora fading away and the blazing stars that were illuminating this haven of peace starting to die all around him.

 

_« Selik?! »_

 

The sandy ground beneath his feet starts to shake and he watches as the beautiful red planet vibrates on itself and the bluish grey one slowly loose its last colors. It's with a sickening realization that Jim understands what is going on. He can do nothing but witness with familiar horror as Vulcan explodes next to a dying Earth.

 

The force of the explosion provokes a blast wave that ejects him in the air and he screams, suddenly taken away by a tsunami of sand. For a terrifying moment there is nothing but the darkness around him as he falls in deadly silence, sucked into what seems to be an endless black hole. The quietness is only disrupted by the sounds of his own heart pounding wildly in his chest. Jim doesn't think he's ever been so scared in his life.

 

Just when he thinks that he's going to disappear completely, that the universe is going to break his atoms apart, the light comes back in his world in the form of a lightning bolt.

 

His fall stops and he lands violently right in the middle a ragging storm. He looks around him, desperately searching for a way out of this chaos, but it's like he's in the center of a tornado and he tries to hang on what he thinks is the ground to resist against the strong winds. The thunder is so strong it makes his world shake and he ends up lying in a curl up position, trying to protect himself as thousands of images flashes before his eyes, and it's too much, _it's too much._...

 

_...He is rolling on the sacred sand of his planet, fighting for his right to possess, snarling as his mate fights back and rocking their bodies together and he will take what belongs to him even if he has to kill for it and he burns, he burns, he burns... / he runs away from his Captain in a desperate attempt to escape his emotions and he prays that the Kohlinar will ease his chaotic mind because he cannot bear these feelings anymore, he cannot, he cannot, and Jim can never know.../ he watches Picard walk away calmly as if the man did not just destroy Spock's world for a second time and he has to grip the wall to steady himself because he had hoped against all hope and now he can only let despair and misery overwhelm him like old friends and Jim, Jim, Jim..._

_He is looking at a younger version of his beloved and does not know if he is being punished for his sins or if the universe is trying to comfort him after the loss of his planet but he finds that he does not care and as quickly as they left the lights come back to illuminate his galaxy and he is shaking with the need to touch and Jim, Jim, Jim... / He listens to the youngling complain about his somehow complicated  relationship with his First Officer and can't stop himself from thinking that his counterpart does not deserve this source of light and that he would never take Jim for granted and it is shameful and it is not logical as he knows that his time has passed and that no one could ever hope to replace his Captain in his heart and yet he wants, he wants, he wants.._

_He is breathing heavily, exhausted but satisfied at the result of his days long meditation. He can feel the fires of Pon Farr slowly abandoning him and is already more in control of his body and thoughts. The sound of a motor coming from outside disrupt his contemplation and he turns his head towards the window._

_Jim Kirk is fast approaching the house on a motorcycle, switching off the engine once he's parked, and the urges Selik spent days trying to eliminate return with such a violent force that it frightens him. He closes his eyes and fights back, struggles against his very own instincts that demand he performs the ancient rituals, refuses to listen to the cry of his blood that compels him to mate. This James Kirk is not his own and he will willingly let himself burn before he tarnishes his beloved's memory by trying to replace him. The empty place throbbing painfully in his mind belongs to no one but his Captain. He refuses to give it away. Not even to the young man whose mind is the same and yet so different._

_He takes a deep breath, wills his body to accept his mind's decision. He is not a mere youngling, incapable of controlling himself. He is older and more experienced.  Already, he feels his peace returning to him._

_The most sensible thing to do would be to send the young man back on his way. As he is ill, he has no doubt that his friend will understand. Yes, that would be wise._

_But he has not seen Jim in so long and he feels comfortable enough in his control to allow himself this small luxury. It would only be for a short time._

_He gets up from his sitting position and heads for the front door._

_Just a few minutes..._

 

_« JIM! »_

 

Jim cries out as Selik brutally pulls out of his mind, feeling out of breath and exhausted.

 

So much pain and misery, so much loneliness. How could Selik bear it? How could he live with it daily without ever going mad?

The Elder's breathing heavily on the other side of the couch, clutching the armrest as he tries to calm down and regain his desperately needed control.

 

« I apologize, my friend, » he pants. « I did not-.. My control-.. I believe you should leave. »

 

Jim doesn't leave. He just keeps staring, unable to comprehend a word coming out of Selik's mouth.

 

His friend wants him, is _burning_ for him and has been ever since they first found each other on Delta Vega.  There's no denying that anymore, not when he can still feel the desire in the back of his mind, a powerful and devastating force that is slowly suffocating its owner. The Vulcan craves for his touch, his kisses, his love...is _consumed_ with his need for Jim, yearns to be reunited with his bondmate. Selik's at constant war against himself, struggling to control his urges that are becoming more violent with time and are begging to be unleashed.

 

It's electrifying. To be wanted with this kind of ragging passion that even the legendary Vulcan control cannot contain.

 

Heart beating wildly in his chest, Jim reaches for the still panting Vulcan and, ignoring his friend's shocked gasp, straddles his lap.

 

He presses himself against the shuddering body, hands stroking the flabby skin of Selik's neck,  mouth tracing the wrinkled lines of his face and slowly trailing over his forehead, his cheek, his chin. A plaintive whimper escapes him when the Vulcan denies him his lips. He immediately chases after them, firmly palming Selik through his robes.

 

«  _Jim,_ » Selik gasps, his hands gripping the edge of the sofa so hard it leaves marks. « Jim, we cannot. You do not want this.»

 

«I do,» he whispers before finally catching the Elder's bottom lip between his teeth, sucking on it greedily. «God, Selik, I want you so much.»

 

He teases the soft lips with his tongue until they grant him access with a pained sound and swallows the whimpers escaping Selik.  Jim licks into the warm mouth, tasting carefully, and sighs in delight when Selik slowly presses back, opening his mouth wider under Jim's, finally responding to the kiss.

 

It only last a second before the Vulcan pulls back, frantically shaking his head and panting heavily. « This is wrong.»

 

« I don't care. »

 

« You are not in your- »

 

« _I don't care._ » And he doesn't, _he doesn't_. 

 

He tangles his fingers in Selik's greying hair, nails scratching lightly the scalp, and relishes in the soft texture caressing his digits. He can practically hear Selik grinding his teeth, and takes a second to observe him, whole wrinkled face distorted in barely suppressed pleasure, eyes shut tightly, hands gripping the sofa so hard it actually tears at the fabric.

 

Jim quickly takes off his shirt, braces himself on the back of the sofa, hands at either sides of Selik's face. He slowly starts to roll his hips against the hard bulge he can feel under the Vulcan's robes.

 

« You want this too, Selik, » he murmurs seductively, lips brushing his friend's cheek. « I know you do. Stop trying to fight this.»

 

« Jim,» Selik pleads. « Jim, please- »

 

Jim grinds down _hard._

Selik's eyes snap open and a growl escapes his mouth before he grabs Jim's neck and presses their lips together. Jim kisses him back, hard and needy. He curls his fingers around the Vulcan's shoulders to press himself closer, rubbing his naked chest against the robes. Their kiss grows deeper and Jim surrenders completely to Selik's control as the Vulcan ravishes his mouth with near savagery.

 

His own neglected cock is so hard already, has been since the meld, trapped in his boxers that he needs to take off right now.

 

He reluctantly breaks the kiss and leaves Selik's lap, only managing to pull his pants down his knees before Selik plasters himself all over his back, pushing him face down on the couch and mindlessly rutting against his backside.

 

Selik's covered erection rubs over his ass and Jim moans loudly, every muscle tight, tension and heat coiling low in his abdomen, so intense it's nearly painful. Arousal clouds his vision and he presses back, rubs himself firmly against the hard bulge, his left hand reaching behind to grab Selik's neck as the Vulcan tries to fuck him through his boxers.

 

« Lube, » he manages to get out. « We need lube. »

 

There's a pause. And then the weight of Selik's body disappears. Jim takes the opportunity to finally take the rest of his clothes off. When he turns around, he sees Selik scrambling to reach the glass bottle on the coffee table, watching with bated breath as his friend start to lavishly pour oil on his hands.

 

 _God, yes_.

 

He quickly climbs back, knees on either sides of his partner's hips, and reattaches their lips together in a bruising kiss. The bottle falls on the carpet with a ''thump''. Selik's oily hands touch him to wander all over his back, his waist, his ass, massaging the skin and leaving it deliciously wet and scented.

 

A brush against his entrance makes his whole body shake with anticipation.

 

« In me,» Jim gasps. « Put it in me.»

 

The first finger burns a little and elicits a hiss from Jim but otherwise enters him smoothly. It's quickly followed by a second, then a third, and Jim should really wonder how his body is able to accept them so easily. _He should and he will_ , he promises himself as he pants and moans and fucks himself on those fingers. He will because somehow he knows that this particular information is important but he _can't think_ , he can't think when Selik is stretching him so perfectly.

 

He clenches around the fingers, finding himself more than grateful for Vulcan's hands sensitivity when Selik actually throws his head back, his cries of pleasure filling the room around them. Jim doesn't think he's ever seen something so beautiful. So he does it again, and again, and again, until the Elder can't take it anymore and abruptly pulls out, leaving him with a painful emptiness that makes Jim whimper.

 

Selik grunts, head nuzzling into Jim's neck. « Jim-...Jim I need-... »

 

« Bedroom,» he breathes, voice wrecked with lust.

 

They barely manage to get out of the living room, bumping into the furniture and knocking the coffee table off on their way when Jim trips over his own feet and nearly sends them both on the floor. His hands grasp those ridiculously complicated Vulcan's robes that he is going to burn once he actually manages to take them off.  Which he does, with Selik's help, and Jim moans blissfully as his hands can finally fondle the naked flesh, as he feels the Vulcan's hard on slide against his bare skin. He cups Selik's buttocks in his hands and presses him closer, hips rolling in lazy circles.

 

“Bed,” Jim gasps. “ _Now._ ”

 

They stumble down the hallway, somehow managing to keep their lips connected, and Jim only realizes that they've reached the bedroom when Selik pushes him down the mattress.

 

He lifts himself on his elbows, spreading his thighs to let Selik crawl between them. The Vulcan watches him with dark, predatory eyes, his still oily hands stroking his own cock, and the enchanting vision gives Jim goosebumps, sending shivers down his spine. Selik joins him on the bed, slowly slides his hands up Jim's legs as he gets closer, and bends over to lick his navel greedily.

 

Jim's toes curl at the sensations. «  _Selik._.., » he sighs in contentment, stroking the Vulcan's hair, massaging the scalp, enjoying the feeling of that rough tongue on his skin.

 

It's soft. It's gentle. Until it's not anymore and Jim abruptly arches off the bed, an astonished cry tearing out of his throat when Selik all of sudden breaches him with his fingers, scissoring against inner walls.

 

« Shit, you- » Jim uses his grip to pull the Vulcan to him, hissing at the loss of the fingers, and kisses him hard, forcing his tongue into the heat of that inviting mouth and thrusting his hips up.

 

He doesn't understand why they've waited so long to do this. Why they've wasted so much time denying what they both truly wanted. The two of them could never be just friends. Not with the history they share. Not with this kind of unbearable longing, this hunger that they have for each other and that they can feel deep into their very bones.

 

The freaking _universe_ conspired to bring them back together and that should mean something. In fact, it means _everything_.

 

«  _Fuck me,_ » he breathes. « Now. Come on.»

 

Selik growls, spreads Jim's legs even further apart. Jim watches as the thick cock disappears between his thighs to brush against his opening and his belly tightens in delicious anticipation.

 

The Vulcan pushes and Jim's cry gets stuck in his throat. He stops breathing, feeling stretched open beyond measures, the hot length slowly filling him and not stopping until it's all the way in. Time stills for a small eternity as they both try to regain the ability to breathe. Selik winces as if in pain and Jim wraps his trembling hands around his neck to pull him down. They rest chest to chest, noses nudging and lips gently brushing. Selik pulls out slightly before sinking back into the welcoming tight heat of Jim's body. Jim whimpers, feeling dazed. He clenches hard on the cock and any gentleness they were capable of is lost.

 

Selik feels like a furnace against him, leaving trails of fire everywhere on his skin, turning his body into a dangerous blaze, making his blood boil in his veins as he feels that long, hot and pulsing cock inside of him. His world becomes nothing but heat, heat like he's never known before, and he can't withstand it, _he can't_ , it’s too big, too powerful and he feels like he's slowly dying in it, like it's suffocating him.

 

It's torture. It's heaven. It's _intoxicating_.

 

His hands roam all over Selik's back before grabbing his buttocks, tugging to bring him back faster every time he pulls out. He lifts his hips to meet the Vulcan's brutal thrusts, moaning as every hit on his prostate aggravates the already deadly blaze. He wants it harder, faster, deeper... _more._

 

Selik _burns_ and he is burning with him.

 

« Please, please, please- _ughh-,_ » he groans when the Elder bends his head to lick Jim's neck, tasting the perspiration sliding down his skin.

 

_No stop._

Selik suddenly sits up, pulling his mate with him. Jim throws his head back, mouth opening in a silent cry as he slowly slides down, gravity easing the penetration and allowing him to feel every inch of that throbbing cock sinking even deeper inside until Selik's balls are settled comfortably against his ass.

_This is wrong._

He pushes at Selik's shoulders, forcing him to fall back down on the mattress, and lets his hands wander all over the naked chest, fingers running through the short silver hair, in search for leverage. Then he starts to move, setting a back and forth motion that has his lover writhing beautifully under him.

 

_You're ruining everything._

He rides the Vulcan with hard, grinding twists, slamming down a little bit faster every time and savoring the look of total bliss on Selik's face. That perfect Vulcan control shatter a little bit more with every meeting of their hips and Jim relishes in it.

 

When his shaky thighs can't hold him anymore, Selik takes over and rises to crush their mouths together. They kiss hungrily, deeply, until they can't anymore. Because Selik's fucking him so fast and it's all Jim can do not to pass out as he keeps bouncing on the Vulcan's lap with complete abandon. Selik is grunting with exertion, breathing erratically in his ear, and Jim is scratching at his chest to gain some sort of anchor, sinking his nails in the skin, nearly sobbing with the pleasure of it all.

 

It's too much. The feel of that alien cock inside of him while his own is trapped between their naked chests , those hands on his skin, that mouth nipping his jawline...Jim comes with a grunt, painting their bellies with white. The grip on his ass tightens as his inner walls constrict around Selik and he knows without a doubt that his lover is close too.

 

Jim cannot tear his eyes away from the sight of his semen on that hairy chest and as he feels Selik already dripping in precum inside of him, he suddenly becomes obsessed with one thing: he wants a taste.

 

He tries to get off but the Vulcan is crushing him to his chest, making him incapable of withdrawing. So he trails his lips on Selik's shoulders, pressing open mouthed kisses up his neck as they rock together.

 

« I want to suck you,» he confesses fiercely against the pointy ear. «But I can't do that if you don't let go. »

 

Selik growls. But still, he loosens his hold and Jim pushes himself off of him. Ignoring the Vulcan pained protests, he instantly goes down and takes him in his mouth.

 

Selik falls back on the pillows, back arched as he lets out a surprised cry, grabbing Jim's hair to keep him close to his groin. With one hand to knead Selik's thigh and the other gently rolling his sack between his fingers, Jim hums delightfully as he feels the bitter taste of precum on his tongue.  He chases after that taste, swirls his tongue around Selik as the hot length slid in and out of his mouth, relishes in the burning feeling in his throat, in the feel of that cock stretching his lips wide, in the weight of it on his tongue.

 

The scent of incense and spices mixed with the oil's completely invade his senses and Jim inhales deeply, driven mad with desire, so turned on he can feel himself getting hard again. He chokes when Selik thrusts into his mouth hard - once, twice, - nearly making him gag in the process when he feels the head of that alien cock bump the back of his throat. But still, he doesn't stop. He doesn't think he _can_ stop. He tries to take Selik even deeper and presses his nose firmly against his underbelly, rubbing his nostrils on the pubic hair.

 

Jim breathes heavily through his nose, shamelessly moans around the pulsing shaft and doesn't try to pull away when the Vulcan finally comes down his throat, swallowing hard instead.

 

He can hear Selik panting above him, his hands letting go of their deathgrip on Jim's hair and falling uselessly by his sides.  Still, Jim keeps his mouth on him, humming happily around the already hardening length, and only pulls out to mouth greedily at the sides of it, licking it clean and taking Selik's balls in his mouth, worshipping them one by one.

 

A smirk appears on his face when he sees Selik fists the bed sheet. He slowly makes his way up, his tongue tracing every parcel of the Elder's chest to taste his own semen.  His fingers tug at the short hair there, his mouth sucks voraciously those greens nipples and he swears he's never felt such raw pleasure before, so strong it makes him dizzy.

 

Selik grabs his chin and pulls, meeting his lips in a brutal kiss to have a taste in turn and they soon become a tangle of limbs as they roll around in dirty sheets, hands exploring and groping each other greedily as they make out. The bed squeaks when Jim gets up on his knees to sit astride his lover once more, and Selik leans against the headboard, planting his feet firmly on the mattress to lift his legs and offer some support to Jim's back.

 

Jim traces those perfect pointy ears he knows so well, sucks on that tongue he knows so well and positions himself to accept that cock he knows so well back inside his body. 

 

« Spock- »

 

_Spock._

 

Jim's blood runs cold, a paralyzing fear taking hold of his entire body at once and leaving him frozen in terror.

 

_What the fuck?!_

 

He abruptly tears his mouth away from the Elder's and immediately tries get away but Selik's arms are holding him in a vice grip he can't escape from. His back is leaning against strong legs and  his nipples and still hard cock are rubbing against the Vulcan's hairy chest and nothing makes him panic more than the feeling of that hot, throbbing length inside of him, ultimate proof of his infidelity.

 

_What the fuck am I doing?!_

 

He tries to get off, he does. Pushes on his knees to get up, struggles to escape those arms that just won't let him leave.  But every time he feels Selik's cock sliding out of him, he just ends up  slamming back down harder, gravity and Vulcan strength not giving him any other choices.

 

« Oh God, » Jim whimpers, eyes shut and doing his best to ignore the agonizing pleasure that was consuming him. «Selik, sto- _ughh_ ».

 

The sound of the bed creaking and grinding under their combined weight as Jim rocks onto his friend's lap horrifies him just as much as the rest. Their hips unrelentingly rut together and he can't help the cries that escape him when Selik slams into his sweet spot, again and again, not giving him a rest, not giving him a chance to breath, let alone talk.

 

He needs to hold on to something and scrambles to grip the headboard, arms on either side of Selik's head. But the position ends up feeling dangerously intimate, with his friend's face so close to his own, theirs mouths nearly touching as he gasps for air. The Vulcan doesn't waste a second before kissing him again, forcing his lips open with his tongue, delving deeper into his mouth as he tries to claim Jim through that kiss, to possess him entirely, as their tongues roll and slid around each other in between breaths-

 

Jim panics when he realizes he's actually _kissing Selik back_ and bites him. Hard. And this time Selik is the one who tears his mouth away, a stunned look on his face as Jim glares at him. The Vulcan's eyes darkens at the challenge and instead of letting him go, he picks up the speed, his rhythm becoming positively feral as he violently thrusts up into Jim.

 

Jim closes his eyes and bites back a scream, his inner muscles clenching down on Selik as the Vulcan relentlessly bounces him on his lap. Selik's cock is so long and thick, it feels like it's about to snap him in half, to reach him in places he never knew existed in the first place, and Jim can't help himself - _he can't_ \- and he clamps around him whenever he feels those balls slap against his ass, his hands letting go of the headboard to cling on the Elder's shoulders and bury his face in the crook of Selik's neck to muffle his shameful cries. 

Because it's so good _. It's so good._

 

The scorching pressure building within him is as excruciating as it is exquisite. His erection is killing him, his balls feel like they're about to burst and he curses his traitorous body that's clearly enjoying the rough treatment Selik's currently giving him.

 

All this forbidden pleasure, given to him by another.

 

« You- _oh God_ \- please...,» he stutters, out of breath, not even sure what he's pleading for. « Selik, you need to- _ugh-_ to listen-»

 

Still lost in the chaos of his own mind and completely oblivious at Jim's attempts to get free, Selik rolls him on his back. It only takes his hand caressing his cock before Jim feels his climax overtaking him, spasms wracking his entire body and  leaving him shaking. He grips Selik's back tightly, whimpers when the Vulcan pushes into him a few more times until hot come fills him and he finally stops moving.

 

Jim just lays on the bed, panting, unable to move, unable to comprehend what just happened.

 

 _I just cheated on Spock, that's what happened_.

 

It makes him nauseous. How could he have let things get this far?

 

He tries to remember, tries to put the pieces back together but even his own memories are failing him because they simply don't make any sense.

 

He sees himself joining Selik on the couch, sees them both making out like horny teenagers as they try to reach the master bedroom. He remembers how obsessed he was with tasting the Vulcan's semen, how he became delirious with need and lust as he was _riding_ Selik and Jim is about to have a panic attack because _it just doesn't make any sense_.

 

What the fuck possessed him to act like this?! Why would he do this?!

 

He loves Spock, _so much_. Their relationship is the best thing that ever happened to him, his captaincy included, and he would never, ever, do anything to jeopardize that. Only for some reason he apparently did so the least he can do is understand why!

 

_The meld!_

 

He feels tears of frustration streaming down his cheeks and it takes everything in him not to yell in rage. That fucking meld with that fucking emotional transference that went with it.

 

Selik had _told_ him that he didn't trust his mind too much when it came to Jim. He had warned him that he had just spent the past few days meditating some kind of Vulcan illness away and that his control was passable at best. But he had to insist. Of course he had to. James.T.Kirk couldn't leave it well alone, oh no, he had to plead and bat those baby blue eyes of his until Selik relented and accepted to show him some memories of the other him.

 

 _Spock, I am so sorry_.

 

Jim jumps in surprise as gentle fingers slowly start to stroke his spent dick. Suddenly the hot breath on his neck becomes more insistent, a rough tongue licks a stripe alongside his shoulder, teeth lightly graze his skin...

_You've got to be kidding me_.

 

« Ok, no, that's enough, » he orders while batting those fingers away. « Get the hell off- »

 

He cuts himself off with a gasp when, instead of pulling out, Selik slowly thrusts up until he's deep inside to the hilt, grunting with unrestrained pleasure when Jim involuntarily clenches around him.

 

 _Shit, he's still hard_!

 

«  _Fuck!_  » Jim curses. « How—… Selik, _what the fuck?_! »

 

Those hands that he had batted away come back to caress his arms, tracing small circles down his skin. Jim is so absorbed by the torturing pressure he feels on his prostate that he doesn't even react when his wrists are grabbed in a tight grip and pushed on either side of his head down the mattress. Selik almost pulls out completely, only to push back in the next second. His movements are slow and lazy, the complete opposite of what he was doing a few minutes earlier.

 

It's also almost _worse_ than what they were doing earlier because the slow rhythm makes sure that Jim feels _everything_.

 

Every inch of that long cock shoving all the way in into his already full channel, the semen spilling out of his opening to run down his parted tights after every withdrawal, the weight of the Vulcan's balls against his ass with every push back in, the thick and greying pubic hair tickling his perineum, the glistening chest he had so eagerly licked earlier sliding easily against his own, rubbing against his too sensitive cock _._

 

It's slowly but surely driving Jim insane. « _Ah, ah, ah-._.. » Jim gasps helplessly and it doesn't even occur to him to protest when Selik gently touches their lips together. Worse, he hesitantly presses back and they share a surprisingly slow and languid kiss. Jim's cocks twitches, trapped between their bodies, and it shouldn't be possible, he already came twice and there's a little something called refractory period, but he knows it won't be long before he has to deal with a full blown erection again.

 

He doesn't understand why he's not resisting yet. He should be. He should be yelling and fighting the Vulcan off. Only for some kind of twisted reason he doesn't want to. Selik presses their foreheads together, a strange mix of agony and ecstasy deforming his features, and Jim's enthralled by the sight. He wants to wrap himself around the Vulcan and chase after the feeling of exhilaration procured with every meeting of their hips. Wants to swallow Selik's broken gasps with his own mouth. Tilts his head up and nearly does so, only managing to hold himself back with terrifying reluctance and it makes him want to sob. In pleasure, in shame. Jim's beyond reason, beyond reality, and his traitorous thoughts start to take another direction altogether. 

 

_Let it happen. You know you want to._

 

_Spock doesn't have to know._

 

_Let go._

 

 _Just once_.

 

It's like being in a dreamlike state. The lines he's not supposed to cross blur in his confused mind until they're nearly entirely erased and there's nothing left but Selik. Selik and his soothing touch on Jim's burning skin.

 

Jim stares at the ceiling, feeling entranced and out of control. Selik's mouth trails up his shoulder, his throat, teases his Adam's apple. It sends jolts of electricity coursing through his entire body and it's like his brain is being rewired or something because all he can think about is how much he wants Selik to kiss him again. 

 

_What is happening to me?!_

 

The words are out of his mouth before he can stop them, shakily whispered like a loathsome confession of his own desire. « Just once. »

 

The pressure on his wrists disappears. Jim immediately uses his newly free hands to palm Selik's back, pulling to bring him closer, wanting to feel his full weight on him.

 

« Just once, » he agrees tearfully.

 

His words spur Selik on. He hikes Jim's legs over his shoulders, nearly bending him in half, and starts to slam into him with a deadly precision that has him writhing like crazy under his lover.

 

 _« Yess,»_ Jim urges him on, digging his fingers into Selik's back. « Just like that, just like that... »

 

It's addictive. It's pure, exquisite, unaltered bliss. To be wanted this much, to be lusted after with this kind of devastating passion that destroys everything in its wake.

 

« So good, » he pants. « You feel _so good_ , I- _shit_. I need more. I need- Harder, _come on_. » Jim hears himself say, a desperate litany of pleas coming out of his mouth against Selik’s ear.

 

They're not quiet in their coupling. In fact, Jim is so loud that he wonders if they can be heard from outside. After all, they didn't even take the time to close the window before they jumped each other. Maybe the neighbors have been listening in all this time, deeming it a logical opportunity to learn more about human intercourse. The idea makes Jim grin stupidly before he hisses at a particular violent push of Selik's cock. The Vulcan grinds hard against Jim's buttocks, presses at the back of his thighs to bend him even further. His muscles pull and burn under the strain but Jim loves it. An animalistic sound tears out of Selik's throat as he explodes into his orgasm and Jim lets out a staggering cry when instead of stopping, Selik just carries on with his thrusts, albeit at a slower rhythm. He slides his undiminished hard on in and out of Jim's overflowed passage, one hand reaching between their chests.

 

Jim cries out, thrusting restlessly into Selik’s firm grip until he coats the talented fingers with his load. He falls back, panting and worn out, desperately trying to catch his breath. Still, Selik offers him no reprieve. He circles the head of Jim’s cock, strokes upwards before returning to the base, firmly palms his balls, massages the entire length in an obvious attempt to bring it back to full hardness. And it's painful, the overstimulation nearly unbearable, but it works. Slowly, achingly slow, but after a few minutes Jim can feel himself growing hard again.

 

Soon, his pain and soreness are driven away until there's nothing left but his own sharp arousal and lust and Jim catches Selik's lips in a kiss that is anything but gentle. It's hard and filthy, full of teeth and tongues and bites. Why exactly shouldn't he want this?  Selik _is_ Spock. He's Spock and he needs him and Jim is not strong enough to deny him. Not here, not in any universe.

 

 _He is not your Spock_. 

 

That thought washes over him like ice cold water and brings him back to his senses. He immediately lets go, scrambles to get his legs back down, horrified by his behavior and by his thoughts.

 

That want cannot be is. That need cannot be his. That devastating passion does not belong to him.

 

He loves Spock. _His_ Spock.

 

He turns his head when Selik bends down and tries to kiss him again, denying him that mouth that was so eagerly sucking him off only a few moments ago. Selik growls and kisses his way across his jawline instead, lips trailing on his exposed neck before he buries his face in it, sucking at the sensitive skin there.

 

Jim fists the bed sheets around his fingers, already feeling his newfound rationality deserting him once more. He barely offers any resistance when Selik forcedly grabs his legs to wrap them around his waist. Two calloused hands slide up and down his thighs as Selik buries himself balls deep into him, again and again, grunting almost painfully with each thrust. Jim has to muffle his cries against Selik's shoulder in an effort to keep himself quiet and, god, he wants to touch the Vulcan so badly it hurts. Euphoria is dangerously starting to take over his senses again, making him forget everything else.

 

«We have to stop, » he says breathlessly even as he bares his neck to give better access to the Vulcan who's currently feasting on it. « We have to- _shit! »_ Selik bites his skin and sucks the newfound bruise keenly. _« Yes, oh yes-_ » Jim stutters incoherently, tightens his hold on Selik's waist, tears at the fabric of the sheets in a desperate effort to anchor himself.

 

« _Please wait for me._ »

 

He lets out a sob, erection ebbing slightly, inhumanly torn into what seems to be a thousand of different directions.

 

What is he doing? _What is he doing_?

 

His breath leaves him in broken gasps and his eyes fall on that opened window he was laughing at earlier.  The invisible fist of fear clenches around his heart, unforgiving.

 

_What if someone really did hear them?!_

 

_What if they told Sarek?!_

 

_Spock can't know about this. He can't know. He can't know._

 

Jim doesn't want this. He _doesn_ ' _t want to want this_. Only there's a little voice in his head that won't let itself be silenced and keeps telling him that _he does._ He can't stop himself from lifting his hips, can't stop himself from pressing and rubbing his cock even more firmly against Selik's underbelly, can't stop himself from crying out his pleasure, the needy noises escaping his mouth sounding obscene in his own ears.

 

Jim's so close he can barely see, his vision beginning to go fuzzy. « P-Please-, » he gasps, eyes fluttering shut. « Selik, please, we can't- »

 

A sharp thrust that makes him cry out in part pain, part pleasure, is his only response and Selik takes the opportunity to shove his tongue back into Jim's mouth. Jim groans and whimpers, can do nothing but take it as Selik fucks his mouth the same way he's currently fucking his asshole : with wild abandon and unrestrained passion.  

 

He can still feel Selik's mind in his. The Elder's caught in the terrible storm ragging in it, destroying every coherent thought from its path and filling him with so much lust and want and the need to just t _ake_ what is his. His already weak control had been completely shattered by their mind meld and Jim can feel Selik burn in every parcel of his body as well as his impulse to share that unbearable burden with his mate.

 

Only Jim _is not_ his mate. The other Kirk died a small eternity ago and Jim can't replace him. Hell, he knows damn well that Selik doesn't _want_ to replace him.

 

 But how is he supposed to resist when all he can taste is the rough tongue invading his mouth ? When all he can focus on is the cock currently pounding into him at a hard rhythm, igniting every nerve in his body and turning him into a useless panting mess? When all he wants is for Selik to touch his leaking cock and offer him some sort of release?

 

They have to break apart when the need to breath becomes too much but Jim only has a second to inhale before Selik's mouth comes back fully over his, hot and searing. He lets go of the sheets to grip Selik's hair, only instead of pushing him away like he meant to, he just presses himself closer, fingers threading into the silver locks and, damnit, he _is_ kissing Selik back. Fervently, almost ferociously, tongues swirling and tasting and licking.

 

«  _Mine,_ » He hears that thought flash through his mind, as strong as a lightning bolt.

 

_No._

 

« Okay, » he gasps against the Vulcan's mouth. « Okay—... »

 

_NO!_

 

He brutally pulls away from those sinful lips with a pitiful whimper and, using every bit of strength he has left, pushes against Selik's shoulders to get free. The Vulcan snarls at this, not understanding why his mate was resisting him so and bites at his collarbone in retaliation, teeth clenched hard against the skin. All while never stopping for a second his ruthless thrusts.

 

Jim desperately shakes his head on the pillow. « We can't do this, we can't- _fuck_! - Selik, I can't-...»

 

_I can't want this._

 

_I can't want you._

 

« Please, please… It’s too much....It's too- _aaah »_

His words are useless, falling on deaf ears, and as a last resort, he tries to reach his friend through their minds, tries to wend his way through the storm to bring Selik back to his senses. But their thoughts are so entwined with one another and he can’t even figure out which one are his anymore. Still, he resists. Fights against the rampage of desperate need and violent lust that are threatening to drown him alive.

 

«Selik, snap out of it!»

 

_STOP!_

 

At last, Selik pulls out.

 

Jim has to fist his hands to keep himself from reaching out and bring him back. It feels like the Elder had not only withdrawn from his body, but from his mind too; already, his thoughts feel more like his own. This leaves him feeling terribly empty and frustrated while also being relieved that they can put an end to this insanity.

 

Doing his best to ignore his painfully hard cock that is just craving for attention, he lets himself lay on the bed for a moment, panting at the ceiling and willing his still trembling body to calm down.

 

 _I can fix this. I can_ -

 

Two shaking hands slowly start to stroke his knees and Jim sharply turns his attention back to Selik. The Vulcan stares at him longingly, but seems docile enough for now, tracing small circles on Jim's skin in a touch that shouldn't be soothing but somehow _still is_. The expression on his face slowly changes to become more desolate.

 

This is his opportunity, Jim knows. This is Selik, his friend Selik, finding just enough control within himself to let him leave. Which is what he should do, _right now_ , only for some reason he doesn't.

 

Selik looks in so much _pain_. The skin on skin contact seems to be the only thing that brings him any kind of relief and Jim is unable to deny him even that. Because despite everything, it's still Spock. Maybe not his own, but one he cares about too much to simply abandon him like that.

 

But he should, he knows he should. Whatever this Vulcan madness is, Selik had looked like he could handle it perfectly before Jim came. There's no reason to believe that he won't be able do the same after he's gone. He'll be alright and once he is, they can both forget this ever happened. Jim has to leave, _he has to_.

 

Still, he doesn't get off the bed.

 

« J-Jim, » Selik lets out through gritted teeth, his first words since the beginning of this madness. « You must-... Leave- »

 

« What about you? » Jim murmurs, suddenly unsure.

 

Why is he even wasting time asking questions? Why is he taking the risk?

 

 _This is Selik, I can't just leave him_.

 

The inner battle within the Vulcan is obvious as Selik alternates between leaning down and back, eyes shut as if he couldn't bear to look down at Jim any longer. « _Leave_. »

 

Jim doesn't.

 

Worse, an idea starts to form in his head. Tempting. Forbidden.

 

_We've already done the deed, what if I stayed just long enough to help him?  He obviously needs it, we can be quick, and-_

 

Jim stops that train of thoughts, groaning in utter disbelief. What is wrong with him?

 

Another movement brings Selik's engorged cock brushing against his leg. Jim gasps, a single thought crossing through his mind as he feels the warm organ on his naked skin.

 

 _I want it back in me_.

 

The response is immediate. Selik tightens his grip on him and his eyes snap open, his focus on Jim so sharp that it leaves the blonde breathless. The world seems to stop for a moment as they both observe each other, one with dark eyes full of warning, the other with reckless anticipation. Then Selik moves.

 

The look he sends Jim is nothing short of calculating as he slowly slides his hands up his legs, his hips, his waist, only stopping there when Jim finally comes to his senses and grabs the wandering hands with his own. But that is all he does. Selik had managed to get close enough to rub their erections together and Jim bites back a moan, slightly arching off the bed. He barely registers it when he lifts his leg over his friend's hip.

 

In a fit of madness, he shakily strokes Selik’s fingers in a Vulcan kiss.

 

A low growl reverberates around them; only then does Jim realizes what he's done. He finds himself suddenly flipped over on his stomach and forced on his knees. Panic and something else he's loath to name swell in his chest and he doesn't resist when his hands are grabbed and put forcedly above his head. Without the support he simply falls face first on the pillows, back arched and ass in the air.

 

The grip on his wrists forces the Vulcan to bend over and cover Jim's back with his chest, his alien body heat burning hot. Selik's nipples and chest hair slide against Jim's skin, his hard cock rubs between Jim's asscheeks, his warm breath on Jim's ravaged neck sends shivers all over his body... Jim inhales sharply, blood rushing in his ears, and he feels like he's about to melt and shatter from all these sensations.

 

« Can I -... » Selik's voice breaks, his control slipping once more.

 

Jim shakes his head, unable to answer. He doesn't know what he's doing anymore, doesn't know what he wants. The Vulcan uses his free hand to further part Jim's thighs and kneads his buttocks possessively, kneading his rounded flesh with an appreciative groan. Jim doesn't need to be in Selik's mind to know what kind of debauched picture he is offering and he feels his face burn with shame.

 

And _desire_.

 

He feels powerless in the face of his own craving. Sobs and starts grinding onto Selik, controlled by some kind of primal instinct that won't let him do otherwise.

 

" _Yes_ ," he breathes out, heart in his throat.

 

The feeble barrier that the Vulcan had somehow managed to place around his mind all but crumbles, making way for the fire once more. There seems to be no escape from the chaos of Selik's thoughts and Jim's only human. He _can't_ withstand those devastating waves of pleasures crashing down on him with no mercy, making his very blood burn with fire in his veins and threatening to destroy him entirely, to break him apart. He gives up, succumbs once more to that unbearable heat. Can't do anything but yield to the desperate need to feel that the Vulcan's broadcasting at full strength.

 

And Jim... Jim _wants_.

 

« Do it. »

 

Selik reenters him in one swift thrust and Jim bites down on the pillow to strangle his cries.

 

 _Fuck it_.

 

Defeated, he pushes back to meet Selik's merciless thrusts. _«_ Shit _,_ you're so- _God_. Want you. Want you so much. Don't stop _, please don't stop_ , _»_ Jim stutters, out of his mind with bliss.

 

Content in the knowledge that his mate wouldn't try to run away again, Selik lets go of his hands to grip his hips, his thrusts taking an almost violent edge as pushes his burning shaft into Jim with barely any restraint.

 

Jim claws at the sheets, his cock drooling on them, and wonders for a ridiculous second how it is possible for such an old man to have this kind of never ending stamina.  He feels Selik's lips on his shoulders, mouthing at every part of skin he can reach and leaving traces of saliva all over his already sweat covered skin.

 

« Say my name, » Selik mutters.

 

« Sel- »

 

He doesn't even get to finish before Selik snarls. The Vulcan pushes Jim onto him sharply and stills for a second, the head of his cock grinding hard against the bundle of nerves. Jim gasps for breath and a scream tears out of his throat when Selik bites his shoulder, hard enough to break the skin and draw blood.

 

“Say my name!” Selik roars, unrelenting.

 

He shouldn't. He knows he shouldn't. Only he can't remember _why_. And if he can't remember why, then surely it's not that important. Surely it's not worth subjecting himself to this kind of sweet torture.

 

«  _Spock,_ » he sobs. « Spock, please- »

 

And Selik loses it.

 

He is wild. Fierce. Brutal. His hips are ramming into Jim's buttocks with near savagery, impaling him, filling him and stretching him open and … and Jim loves it. He loves it. _He loves it._

 

« Jim, » Selik pants against his skin. « Oh, T'hy'la, how I have missed you. »

 

Jim keens into his pillow. « Spock- » He presses his face against the sheets, sure that he's about to pass out from this onslaught of pleasure. Selik is driving into him for all he's worth and Jim fervently pushes back in a impossible attempt to take the Vulcan even deeper inside of him.

 

_Stop. Never stop._

 

_Touch me._

 

 No sooner than the thought crosses his mind that Jim feels Selik bite behind his ear. His surprised gasp turns into a shattered cry when a hot hand suddenly clamps around his cock and starts to pump it furiously. 

 

He comes with a shout, one hand still clutching at the sheets, the other reaching back to grip the sweat-slick skin of Selik's ass to keep him as close to him as possible while the Vulcan thrusts brutally into his tight channel.

 

«That's it, » Jim pants, voice wrecked with lust. «Right there, love- »

 

He doesn't even know what he's saying anymore, his mind completely attuned to Selik's, unable to truly reach his peak until the Vulcan came.

 

« Jim- »

 

 _« I want it_ , come on. »

 

For a few never ending moments, the room is filled with nothing but the sounds of their combined pleasure, of the rough meeting of their hips, of skin slapping against skin, of the creaks of the bed rocking under the force of their coupling, scratching the floor, banging violently against the wall.

 

Jim lets out a raptured cry when finally, _finally_ , Selik reaches his climax, flooding his channel once more, and he arches, driving as hard as he can into the thick cock pulsing against his walls, his ass clenching down on the hot length to milk it dry.

 

Breathing heavily and unable to support himself any longer, Selik falls on Jim, nearly crushing him in the process. Jim honestly had no energy left to care. He’s exhausted, quivering from head to toe.

 

Selik grabs his chin and they exchange small, lazy kisses until his neck starts to hurt and they're forced to separate. But not once does Selik's mouth leave his skin, settling instead on his shoulder to gently trace the marks he left there. The Vulcan's hands tenderly caress his arms until Jim laces their fingers together. He sighs in contentment and slowly strokes the digits, admiring those strong hands that brought him so much pleasure in such a short time. He brings them to his lips, kisses them tenderly, smiles at the responding whimper he gets in return.

 

When Selik finally pulls out, Jim protests at the loss, groaning into his pillow. It takes effort to manage to turn his still trembling body around to face his lover.

 

He finds the Vulcan kneeling between his parted legs, body covered in a fine sheen of sweat, neck and torso bearing greenish fresh marks that Jim craves to trace with his tongue. Selik stares at Jim – devours him, really, with dark, hungry eyes that leave no doubts about the nature of his urges – one hand caressing the inside of Jim thigh as the other rubs his _still fucking hard cock._

Jim lets out a disbelieving laugh _._ «Shit, you're going to kill me. » Still, he parts his legs even further, a clear invitation.

 

This utter madness lasts for a few more hours and Jim finds himself buried in lust and ecstasy.

 

Selik stays up on his knees and takes him once more on the bed. Resists when Jim tries to get them both to the bathroom and takes him against the dresser. Forces him on his knees and thrusts wildly into Jim's enthusiastic mouth. Reaches his orgasm under the pressure of Jim's insatiable lips and fills his throat with his seed. Yanks Jim up and ravishes his mouth until the sound of the buzzer followed by a loud knock to the front door disrupts them, making Selik snarls at the interruption. He drags Jim to the window and takes him right in front of it, claiming him for the world to see, pounding into him with such a force that Jim is forced to grip the edges to keep himself from collapsing. His head falls back on Selik's shoulder and he keenly cries out his lover's name, howling in unmistakable pleasure, letting their unwanted visitor know exactly what they were doing. The message must have gotten across because the knocking immediately stops. At which point Jim does collapse, but then Selik just follows him down the floor and slams back inside. 

 

Selik just fucks him, and fucks him, and never stops fucking him and Jim's voice becomes hoarse from screaming so much.

 

He is so full, his abused hole is leaking copiously and somewhere in the back of his mind, Jim knows that this isn't normal, that his body shouldn't be able to handle this kind of treatment, let alone enjoy it. His cock should be falling off after having come so many times but instead he finds himself becoming hard again in a matter of minutes. He should be in real physical pain, only he's _not_. Or maybe he is, but the pain is nothing compared to the pure, raw pleasure possessing him entirely.

 

Nothing they do seems to be enough to quell the fire in his veins. So Jim arches and begs and sucks and at some point he even finds the strength to ride Selik viciously on the floor, bruising his knees in the process. Selik's ever-present erection slid easily in and out of his slick channel and this time the pain is more pronounced when Jim reaches his climax. It makes him sob and he buries his face in the crook of Selik's neck, going limp on him. Selik immediately takes over and rolls him on his back, putting his elbows on either side of Jim's head as he pounds into him, quick and relentless.

 

Jim's cries get mixed with his sobs and he clings to Selik's back, desperately trying to hold on. The hard floor is killing his back, his muscles hurt – hell his whole body hurts -, his thoughts are in shambles, he feels like he's being burned alive and he _doesn't care_. He doesn't care if it hurts, he doesn't care if his body cannot take it. Because despite everything it's still not enough and he still wants _more_.

 

« Don't stop, don't stop, don't you _dare_ stop-»

 

Selik's fingers trace his meld points, deepening their connection, wreaking havoc in his already weak mind, and one last scream manages to escape Jim's mouth before he blacks out.

 

* * *

 

 

When he comes to, he's lying on the bed once more, turned on his side, and the first thing he registers is the feeling of a burning cock throbbing inside of him and gently thrusting into his tight channel. A shocked moan escapes him and he immediately grabs the two arms currently wrapped around him. Rough hands explore his bare chest, rub small circles on his abdomen and underbelly, slide up to tease his nipples before they press him even closer to a chest plastered against his back.

 

“Spock,” he gasps.

 

Spock nuzzles the nape of his neck, panting heavily, warm breath caressing Jim's skin and sending jolts of electricity coursing through his entire body, straight to his groin.  His mind is a haze, filled with confusion and fizziness, but it doesn't stop him from responding eagerly to Spock's touch. He doesn't remember much, but he does know that Spock somehow needs this. Needs to sate himself in Jim's flesh like one would need air to breathe. 

 

The lips brushing his back relocate to his neck, the sounds of Spock's gasps and desperate whines music to his ears. On any other day, it would be enough to bring him to full hardness, but he's just so _exhausted_. His rear is on fire, stinging with Spock's every movement, his body sore and limp, and his cock feels like it's never going to work properly again. Everything hurts, but it hurts wonderfully. And to be honest, he likes it this way too, when there's nothing but the feeling of Spock inside him, claiming him, possessing him entirely, and Jim can focus on bringing him as much pleasure as he can. The thought of having rendered his great untouchable First Officer to this half coherent state of mindless ecstasy is thrilling. A constant reminder that no one will ever get to see him like this again. Not Uhura, or Leila, or even Pike. No, this  belongs to Jim now.

 

One of the hands caressing his chest slide lower and Jim stops it before it can reach his cock, putting it on his inner thigh instead. Talented fingers start to massage the aching muscles, stopping from time to time to trace the line of his perineum. Jim reaches behind him, runs his fingers through strands of soft hair, rubs his foot up and down Spock's calf, all the while gazing at the wall in a dreamy state.

 

“God, Spock.”

 

He's laughing and moaning and whimpering and he makes sure to clench around Spock every time he bottoms out, eliciting the most amazing sounds out of his lover. He turns his head to catch Spock's lips with his own, kissing him as fiercely as he can, arches into the sultry body rubbing against him in a deliciously slow rolling motion. The grip on his thigh tightens when they break apart and Spock immediately buries his face in the crook of Jim's neck, sounding almost in pain as he slowly picks up the pace. Jim throws his head back in a silent cry, undulates his body in rhythm with Spock's thrusts as they move.

 

“Whatever you need,” he says breathlessly. “Whatever you need, Spock.”

 

The constant pressure against his prostate is nothing short of a blissful torment. Too much, too soon, too sensitive, and yet he feels the presence of this light flow of lust and need in the back of his mind, almost like the remnants of a stronger link. It's spilled right into his brain and while it's not enough to make him hard, it is enough to ease the pain and make the experience more than pleasurable.

 

Spock kisses alongside his neck and gently rolls them over until Jim’s front is pressed entirely against the mattress, making him turn his head to avoid being smothered by his pillow. He feels Spock lifting his weight slightly, just enough not to crush him, and grab his hands to interlock their fingers together. His thrusts take a sharper edge, his release near, and Jim is left crying out helplessly and tightening his grip on Spock's hands.

 

“I love you so much,” he says. “I- _ah_!”

 

Jim quivers around the convulsing cock and Spock soon pours himself inside of him, letting out a low growl, filling Jim with his hot seed for what feels like the hundredth time that day.

 

A peaceful silence falls on the room, only disrupted by the sound of their heavy and unsteady breathing as they both gasp for air. Spock's shaking with his whole body behind him and he falls to his side, taking Jim with him, regaining their previous position. He doesn't withdraw, his balls are still nestled comfortably against Jim's buttocks, but Jim doesn't mind. Spock kisses the lines of his shoulder with an obvious reverence that had him humming delightfully. The Vucan's hand goes back to caressing his inner thigh and Jim tangles their limbs together.  He sighs in sated delight, his body weak but oh so thoroughly satisfied. His throat is irritated and dry, making him wish for a glass of water. In fact, he would kill for a shower, only he's not sure he even has the ability to walk anymore.

 

Eyes fluttering shut, he turns his head and presses his lips blindly to Spock's, moaning at the first touch of their tongues and kissing him deeply, heatedly.

 

“I think you've just fucked my brains out,” he smiles, awestruck, kissing the corner of Spock's mouth teasingly. “The things I want to do to you...”

 

The voice that answers him is different than he expected. Rougher. Exhausted.

 

Older.

 

« Jim... »

 

Jim stills.

 

That's not Spock.

 

His vision clears at once and he freezes, staring at Selik's face in horror as the Vulcan presses one last kiss to his lips before going back to his neck. The hand not caressing his leg rests on his chest, probably feeling the erratic pounding of Jim's heart.

 

It feels like coming out of a daze. The euphoria surrounding his thoughts slowly disappears, clearing his mind and leaving only fear and guilt in its wake. The memories come back, merciless and cutthroat, as the enormity of what happened becomes more and more clear to him.

 

_What have I done?_

What time is it? How long has he been here?

 

The sun is still up outside but it doesn't mean anything, considering how long New Vulcan's days are and how early he had left Sarek's house this morning. It could easily be late afternoon and if that's the case then he's been gone for hours and-

 

No. He can't have been gone that long either, or else Spock would have come looking for him.

_Or maybe he already has?!_

 

Spock was trying to reach him on his comm earlier, of course he would have been worried when Jim refused to answer. Of course he would have figured out that he went to visit Selik.

 

 _Did he already come by the house?_ Jim wonders in blind panic as he looks towards the window.

 

_Could we be heard from outside?_

 

What if they could be? What if someone told Spock? What if he came and saw Jim and Selik-

 

What if he already left?!

 

Jim feels like he's hyperventilating. He can't think. _He can't think_.

 

He shuts his eyes, heart beating so loudly he worries it's gonna rip his chest apart. He starts to shake almost violently and wants to sob when Selik tries to sooth him by gently caressing his sides.

 

No. If Spock had come by, then Jim would have known. Spock would have made his presence known.

 

 _But he's going to find out anyway_.

 

And how could he not? Jim's body is sore and aching. What seems to be every inch of his skin has been bitten and marked and covered with bodily fluids and Jim knows instantly he won't be able to hide what happened. Spock will take one look at him and he'll know. He'll know and he's never going to forgive him for this. Jim is going to lose him and just the thought of Spock leaving him makes him sick in his stomach and, _fuck_ , how the hell is he going to fix this mess?.

_What have I done? What have I done? What have I done?_

 

That's when he hears it, the squeak of the badly oiled door that makes his blood run cold, leaving him petrified with horror and unable to breath. The fear crackles in his cells, filling him with blind, numb panic.

_No. Please, no._

 

Jim slowly turns his head towards the sound and even though he already knows what he's going to find, he's still unprepared for the sight of Spock standing still on the doorstep, fingers slowly letting go of the door's handle, his perfectly calm Vulcan face betraying nothing as he quietly studies them.

 

Or at least, it would betray nothing if it weren’t for those eyes. Since the very first day, Jim has always been able to get a read on Spock. No matter how much he tried, the Vulcan could never pretend in front of him, not with his too human eyes - usually so full of warmth and liveliness - to give him away.  And for the first time since they met, Jim wishes they could. He truly does. Because this whole Vucan facade means nothing to him and he has no problem seeing how badly shaken and heartbroken Spock truly is.

 

It makes him sick. _He_ took the warmth away. _He_ made the light disappear. And he want to scream, wants to explain, wants to wrap himself around Spock, to bury his face in his neck, to beg him for forgiveness and, God, he has to fix this. He has to make this right because he cannot lose Spock, he can't, Spock is everything and _he has to fix this_.

 

But he can only stay frozen, unable to make his mouth work. What would he even say?

 

How long has Spock been standing there? How much has he seen?

 

It takes everything in him to keep the tears at bay. God, he had enjoyed being taken by Selik. He _laughed_ while they were...He had-

 

_I told Selik I loved him._

 

 _Fuck_.

 

Vulcans ears are so much more sensitive than humans. Did Spock realize what was happening before he even set a foot in the house?

 

And even if by some kind of miracle, Spock hadn't been there long enough to witness anything, the state of their surroundings as well as their own appearances was telling enough. In a room that reeks of sex, his naked body pressed entirely against Selik's, he's lying on a nearly destroyed bed that had left its marks the floor and damaged the paint on the wall.

 

 _God, Selik hasn't even pulled out yet_.

 

In fact, he hasn't even realized that Spock was in the room at all and just kept peppering his neck with small kisses, arms wrapped around Jim and pressing him to his front. He is honestly terrified that if he tries to move now, then Selik will just go batshit crazy and try to fuck him right in front of Spock. And his own reaction scares him even more, because he remembers how he had responded to Selik's touch and what if _he_ loses his mind once more too and just lets the Elder take what he wants, _again?_

 

So he stays perfectly still. As if it could change anything. As if it could make this whole situation less perverse than it already is.

 

No. There's no way he can salvage this. None.

 

Face burning in shame and unable to look at Spock any longer, he lowers his head, utterly defeated. His heart clenches painfully in his chest, breath caught and choking in his tight throat,  and he miserably listens to Spock's footsteps slowly retreating, getting him down the hall without a pause.

 

The sound of the front door closing snaps something in him. Selik lets out a protesting whimper when he tries to push him away and Jim snarls, enraged.

 

« Get the fuck off me, damnit ! »

 

Miraculously, his tone seems to render Selik pliant. Jim barely keeps himself from letting out a disgusted sound as the Vulcan withdraws. The second Selik's weight disappears, Jim's off the bed and runs out of the room.

 

Nearly tripping over his own feet and picking up the Vulcan robes lying disregarded in the hallway, he quickly puts them on and reopens the front door just in time to watch Spock get into his vehicle and drive away.

 

« Spock! » he yells after him. « Spock, wait! Stop! »

 

He doesn't stop, of course he doesn't, and Jim can do nothing but watch as the car disappears in a sand cloud, leaving him behind.

 

_Spock's gone._

 

 _He's gone_.

 

It's as if his departure took his much needed air out of his lungs and Jim suddenly feels like he's going to pass out. He can't breathe, he _can't_ , and he really needs Spock to come back and give him his precious air back before he does something stupid, like die, right here, in the middle of nowhere.

 

Only Spock is not going to come back. After what Jim's done, he probably wants nothing to do with him anymore. Spock is going to leave. He's going to ask for a transfer or, worse, resign from Starfleet and Jim is never going to see him again and _why the fuck_  did he think it was a good idea to run after _Spock_ wearing nothing but _Selik'_ s robes ?

 

He scrambles to take them off, disgusted by the feeling of the fabric on his skin, even more disgusted by the cum leaking from his asshole and running down his legs. He uses the robes to wipe out what he can and at some point he's forced to go back inside because the sun violently beats down on his naked skin and the ground is slowly burning his bare feet. His human body is simply not strong enough to handle New Vulcan's atmosphere. So he moves.

 

His weak legs somehow manage to get him back inside the deadly quiet house and he heads for the couch, letting himself fall on it when he reaches it.  He stares miserably at the state of the living room. The coffee table is flipped over and his eyes catch his boxers lying on the ground next to his pants and shoes. He knows he should put his clothes on but he doesn't even have the strength to get up and get them. He's wrecked and beaten and he feels like he's just going to break.

 

The crafted glass bottle he had so admired earlier is tipped over on the carpet, the oil having entirely spilled long ago, soaked by the thick fabric and creating a dark, wet smudge.

 

His mind flashbacks to the beginning of this madness. He remembers straddling Selik's lap, remembers moaning into his mouth as they kissed, remembers palming the hard bulge he could feel beneath him, remembers fucking himself on Selik's fingers-

 

_« Jim...Jim, we cannot-»_

 

_« God, Selik, I want you so much. »_

Jim lets out a enraged yell and smashes the bottle on the wall, the sounds of the glass breaking into a thousand of pieces not nearly enough to calm him down.

 

Spock didn't even have to catch him in the throes. All he had to do was take a look at the living room and hear the sounds coming from down the hall.

 

He covers his face with his hands, whole body shaking with barely suppressed sobs. He wants to destroy this room, wants to burn the whole house to the ground and erase the evidence of his betrayal. He wants to scream until he can't anymore.

 

He wants Spock.

 

When Selik finally comes out of the bedroom himself, Jim only spares him a glance to make sure he's back in control before burying his head back into his hands.  He can't feel him anywhere near his mind anymore but he's pretty sure the old man doesn't need the skin on skin contact to feel the complete and utter despair emanating from him.

 

Absolute silence reigns supreme in the room for a few moments. But then Jim hears Selik slowly coming closer and flinches when the old man puts a hesitant hand on his shoulder.

 

« Don't touch me, » he spits out.

 

« Jim, I am truly sorry. »

 

«Get out. »

 

He's not being fair, he knows that. He's the one who pushed for that mind meld, he's the one who accidently shattered the elder's mental barriers. Selik couldn't control himself anymore than Jim could. But he doesn't feel like being fair, not when he had just possibly destroyed his relationship with the love of his life because of this man. So he does nothing as Selik walks away and finally, finally lets the tears fall.

 

* * *

 

 

« Spock? Spock, baby please, it's not… I didn't mean to...I swear to God, it's not what it looked like. I swear I wouldn't do that to you. I wouldn't. I love you so much, I … just please come home. »

...

« You don't want to come home. Ok. I understand. I... I'll wait until you're ready. Just please, call me back. Or text me. It's been hours and I still don't know where you are and I'm worried. I need to know that you're ok. That you're safe. That's all. »

...

« It's me. It's been a week now and I feel like I'm losing my mind over here. Bones told me not to worry, that you had contacted him and that you were okay but I... I need to see you. Please. Just give me five minutes. »

...

« Spock, what the fuck is this?! You're resigning?! You're crazy if you think I'm going to accept this without a fight. I won't let you do this. You can't leave Starfleet. You can't. »

...

« Baby, please don't do this. Please. We can fix this, I know we can. Just come home and we'll talk and I'll explain everything to you. »

...

« Don't leave me, Spock. Please don't leave me. »

…

« It's me. Again.  I..I signed the papers, you should receive them in the morning. I guess there's nothing else I can do, hum? I ruined everything and now I have to accept the consequences, I know that. And God knows, I have no right to stop you from doing what's best for you but...can I please see you before you leave? Please? »

…

« Spock, I... **Biip**. _This voice mailbox is currently full. Please try again later._  »

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> While I do love those two, I've seen too many stories where basically Spock is the bad guy that pushed Jim into his counterpart's arms. Because he's an asshole. Or he's not human enough for Jim's tastes. Or he should have realized his feelings sooner but now it's too late because Jim turned to Spock Prime. And the few times where the story should have allowed Spock to be, if not angry, then at least saddened by the situation, the authors chose to have Spock disregard his own feelings and accept Jim back with open arms (sometimes even apologize to him). And I'm like : is Spock really that replaceable? Is it really as easy as to switch him with Spock Prime everytime his behaviour doesn't please Jim?
> 
> Don't get me wrong, there are some amazing stories about the Spock/Jim/SP triangle out there, some I would highly recommend. But like I said, this is the outcome of a lot of pent up frustratrion. I guess I'm one of those people who consider Spock and SP to be two separate entities. So writing this, I was like : what if Jim has sex with Spock Prime because of reasons and it's, you know, not okay?
> 
> That being said, I don't think I'm ever going to write that much explicit smut again. Spock Prime and Jim are kind of a guilty pleasure and this was basically me trying to prove to myself that I could.


End file.
